One thing I’ve always been happy with is how me and Wes have always been very open about money.
No, we haven’t always done things the “normal way” (we combined finances YEARS ago and often receive flack for that), but in the end things worked out well for us. I think that’s because we make sure to be open about money.
I have witnessed many people around me make several money mistakes. I know people who have never once discussed a budget (even budgets that suck!) with their significant other, even though they are married. I also know others who have broken marriages/relationships because of secret debt, financial infidelity, and more.
No, life isn’t all about money, but money does play a big factor in a relationship.
I’m all for people doing their own thing in life, but, in general, the money behaviors below can lead to big mistakes when in a relationship. Money mistakes can lead to debt, delayed retirement, stress, heartache, and more.
Who wants all of that? Not me!
Below are financial mistakes that couples should try to avoid:
Assuming that merging finances is right for everyone.
Even though Wes and I have merged finances, I know plenty of others who have completely separate finances and wouldn’t have it any other way. As I always say “Everyone is different.”
There is no right or wrong way for anyone, and there are positives and negatives to combining or keeping everything separate. You should research the differences and see what is right for you and your relationship.
Just because you are in a relationship does not mean that everything needs to become one.
Not talking about money with your significant other.
If you are in a relationship, you should talk about money at least somewhat. And if you are married, in a serious relationship and/or have combined finances, then you DEFINITELY need to be talking about money.
You should discuss your credit scores, past money problems, any debt that the other person may have, how the monthly budget is going, and more. You should be able to openly talk about money with your significant other without it turning into stress or a money fight.
We talk about money all the time. Honestly, at first I think Wes hated it. Now he is used to it and we understand how to talk about money to each other without us starting to bicker at each other. We talk about what we can improve on, what changes need to be made, how our spending is doing, retirement, and more and these are talks that we actually enjoy having with each other.
Having only only person understand the financial situation that you two are in TOGETHER.
This is something that me and Wes are guilty of. I’ve always been in charge of our finances just because I have always been better with managing them. Also, training another person just seemed like added stress because we would probably often over check what we’ve done.
However, this is a huge problem that I am working on changing. We have many bills, retirement, cars, etc., and if something were to happen to me then Wes would be completely out of the loop and it would be very hard to manage on his own. Just clueing your loved one in can be helpful.
Before you laugh and think we are crazy for making this relationship money mistake, MOST couples are actually this exact same way – usually just one person handles all of the finances.
Also, it helps everyone stay on the same page. If one person is doing all the work then all of the financial burden can fall on them as well.
Keeping something money-related a secret from your significant other.
This is a tough one, but it’s something that I’ve seen pop up several times recently. Keeping something money-related a secret from your loved one can be a huge problem.
They can feel like they were left out, that you didn’t trust them, and/or that you are financially cheating.
Money secrets may include:
- Secret debt.
- Secret money saved.
- Lying about how good or bad the family is financially doing.
- And more, of course!
Completely throwing out the idea of getting a prenup.
Okay, so me and Wes don’t have a prenup, but we also combined our finances when we were young and had nothing. However, there are many instances where having a prenup may be a great idea for a couple. No, it doesn’t mean that you don’t trust the person you are in a relationship with.
The fact is that you never know what will happen later. What if YOU are the problem later on? It happens!
What financial mistakes have you seen or experienced?
If you are not in a relationship, what mistakes will you make sure to avoid?
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I handle all of the bills in our house, too, and I really need to put everything down on paper for my husband, just in case…
Yes, you definitely should!
Do you have joint responsibility?
Thank you so much for saying that it is bad to assume merging finances is right for everyone! It definitely isn’t. It works for me, but my partner and I are very much on the same page when it comes to money and goals. For others, Pauline for example, having separate finances is very important to them and guess what? It still works!
Yep, it still works! I don’t know why some people think that everyone has to be the EXACT SAME.
My wife and I share managing our finances so we both stay in the loop. We track everything with Quicken so either of us can log in to see the current situation or even what’s planned for the next month. I enter most of the receipts and bills these days, and she puts together the monthly budget versus expenses report which we go over together. Couples don’t have to divide these tasks, but communicating the information regularly is vital to the wellbeing of your finances and your relationship.
Sounds like you have a great setup Gary. Thanks for sharing!
I’d be out of a job if people had pre-nups. I’d never get married without one, it’s non-negotiable.
Good to hear Stephanie 🙂
We merged our finances once we got engaged – it just made things so much easier. But, I do take care of our finances, rather than my husband. So, I should probably make sure he could do it as well! Good post 🙂
Thanks Nicola! It sounds like us females handle the finances the most 🙂
This is great advice – I know with The Big Guy and I communicating about finances is something that we work on constantly, and I think we probably will for the rest of our lives. While that might seem tough, it’s better that than a life full of bitterness, financial backstabbing, and dishonesty 🙂
Thanks Gretchen! 🙂
Everything I did in the beginning of my relationship with my husband would be the things I would advise people not to do. But I wouldn’t have listened either, so … I don’t know. Live and let live? 😛
Haha very true!
I know SO many women who say that they just like their husband to deal with the finances and that they have no clue what is happening. I hate when I hear things like that. I can’t imagine being that clueless and feeling comfortable with it. Everyone should understand their money situation, otherwise, when and if something bad happens you could really end up in a bad place.
Interesting! I’ve always thought it was mainly women who dealt with the family finances. I wouldn’t want to be clueless either.
I think that if I was in a relationship I would combine incomes, but each of us would still keep 1 account separate.
Not a bad idea 🙂
‘If one person is doing all the work then all of the financial burden can fall on them as well.’ This is so true and the reason why I am going over the finances with the hubby every month so he realizes where the money is going and it’s not just me being tightwadish. I don’t want him to resent me when I tell him there’s no moolah left!
Yes, this is exactly why the other person needs to at least be clued in! 🙂
Thanks for stopping by today.
I manage our finances also because I’m more interested in them, and better at it, but I always include my fiance in on what’s going on. My mom managed all the money, and unfortunately, didn’t really communicate things to my dad, and he never knew how bad their debt situation was until it was too late. Communication is key!
Yes, communication is key. I don’t think Wes will ever manage our finances, but I do want to jot everything down in case anything were to happen to me.
I love this list, Michelle! I think it’s very interesting, because a lot of times, when these money issues crop up, there’s something underlying that… for example, hiding money. Why? There’s usually more to it than ‘just’ hiding money. Is someone keeping other secrets? Why are they hiding money? Trust issues?
Maybe that’s just what I’ve noticed, but usually when my couple-friends have money issues, it’s mooooore than just money issues!
Yes, it’s usually more than just money issues. Many people don’t realize that!
My partner and I don’t have combined finances. We are both working our way out of debt. After that, we might consider combining. We are very open about money though and have shared goals!
Sounds like you have a good setup and a good future as well 🙂
Communication is so key! Mr. FW and I also combined finances back when we had basically $0 and we’ve always been very open about how much money we have, how we’re spending it, and what our financial goals are. I agree with you that money isn’t life, but it sure is a crucial part of how we live. I actually don’t spend that much time thinking about our finances at this point because we’ve pretty much got everything on autopilot, but, we still discuss our plans and goals alllll the time. How you manage money in the context of a relationship is an ongoing and evolving process worthy of time and attention.
Good job on having your finances on autopilot. We don’t have as long conversations about it, but it helps keep us in check.