Hey everyone! Today, I have a great guest post from Stephanie Schill. Stephanie is the creator of the personal finance blog WynningInLife.com. A lifetime saver and self-proclaimed shameless couponer, she is passionate about spending consciously and saving intentionally. When not writing she enjoys spending time outdoors with her husband Nick and their daughter Wynn. Below is her story of how her and her husband keep separate finances.
My husband, Nick, and I have been married for 7 years. We are successful in managing our finances happily and relatively stress-free by keeping them separate. In talking with our circle of friends and reading financial advice from experts, I get the feeling this may not be the norm.
But it works for us.
I want to share with you our experience of managing money independently, as a couple. You may be inspired to separate your finances if they are currently joined.
Or it may give you a perspective on how you can be in a relationship but keep your financials separate.
Other content you may be interested in:
- How We Paid off $266,329.01 in 33 Months
- Money And Relationships: Are You On The Verge Of Calling It Quits?
- How My 401k Loan Cost Me $1 Million Dollars
Our earnings & accounts
Nick and I both work corporate jobs, with an approximately 62%/38% split in our earnings. My husband earns a higher salary.
Our daughter is 3 years old and we have a second child on the way. We have one combined savings account that we can both access through Chase. All other accounts: checking, savings, investments, etc. are all managed independently.
Growing up my parents kept independent finances, so that was normal to me. My mom and dad have been married for 41 years and counting, and it has worked for them. They are a huge influence on how I manage my finances today.
While as a married couple I think it’s important to consider all money as “our” money and align on financial goals, managing money independently works really well for us.
Related: How Much Money Should I Save Each Month?
Reasons why managing money independently works for us:
- We don’t argue about money! For example, arguing about how much he spent on this or how much I spent on that.
- Zero bounced checks or overdrafts because we weren’t aware of what the other is spending.
- Birthday, Christmas and other gifts given throughout the year are true surprises.
- We both have financial independence and are able to spend, save, or invest freely as we want.
Separate finances from the beginning
Our independent financial model happened pretty organically. When my husband and I were dating, and through our engagement, we had separate finances.
When we got married and purchased a house in 2011, we had various financial conversations about how to manage our money. It just felt right to continue to manage our own finances individually, but take some action to bring our finances together.
We landed on having one combined savings account and managing all other finances separately. Our preference was to make large financial decisions together but to leave the smaller day-to-day financial choices to each of us independently.
Recurring household bills
All of the household bills are in Nick’s name and he pays all of them every month. That includes things like the mortgage, gas, electric, cell phone bill, etc.
Once per month, I will wire him money that covers my “portion” of the bills, based on my earnings. He earns a higher salary and thus he pays a higher percentage of the bills each month.
For example, let’s say our mortgage, gas, electric, and cell phone bills are $2000 net per month. I will wire him $760 to cover the 38% that I am responsible for. In turn, he covers his 62% which equals $1240, for a total of $2,000.
We both bank through Chase. So I use Chase’s Zelle to effortlessly send him money each month.
Finances beyond recurring household bills
Outside of regular household bills, we each have other regular expenses we pay for individually. I pay for groceries, daycare, and anything that my daughter needs: diapers (thankfully potty trained now), clothing, etc.
Nick will routinely pay for anything around the house. Examples would be all trips to hardware stores when we do projects (he’s a project guy so there’s always something that needs fixing or improving). Typically, anytime we eat out he pays, any taxes we owe annually, any household expense like a broken water heater, or furnace checkup, etc. is usually all him.
Any expenses regarding our vehicles: gas, maintenance, payments, etc. are taken care of by each of us individually.
Our Savings/ Investments
Joint Savings
We have one shared savings account that we both access. We both put money into the account, but it is a joint decision if we are to ever take money out of the account. The initial goal of the account was to build an emergency fund. For example, if either of us loses our job or if there is an unexpected medical household emergency.
Over time the account has grown so now our conversations have changed toward investments and identifying ways we can have the money accessible if needed, but have it earn more interest. We all know the fraction of a percentage point any traditional bank will give you on a savings account is nothing relative to what a high-yield savings account or the stock market could yield. The question comes down to how much risk we are willing to bear.
Individual Savings
Beyond our one joint savings account, we both manage our own savings and investment accounts. We each have our own personal savings accounts.
While not completely defined, they would be for things like a down payment or cash payment on a car, a future vacation, or a larger ticket item either of us wants to purchase.
I consider it the bridge between our salary and the emergency fund, and money we’ll likely spend but not yet sure on what.
Retirement accounts
We both have our own individual 401K retirement accounts.
They are through our current employers, and we both contribute to them each paycheck. Recently we both began maxing them out which was a goal of ours for years. We know how important saving for the future is.
Due to changing of jobs over the years, we have both made decisions in the past to roll 401Ks from old employers plans into traditional IRAs.
Other investments
Beyond traditional 401ks we both have additional investment accounts.
We both use TD Ameritrade to purchase stocks. In my curiosity with personal finance, I’ve also dabbled using Stockpile to purchase fractional shares of stock (or gift stock) and Robinhood to purchase stock. We discuss investments but we don’t get permission from each other before we buy or sell a stock, we just do what feels right.
Separate finances are not perfect
While this independent financial model works really well for us, it’s not without its challenges. As the person earning less money in the relationship, even though I pay a portion of the monthly bills, our take-home pay varies significantly. Meaning, each month Nick still has significantly more money in his account that isn’t allocated toward bills.
I don’t know exactly what he makes or the exact net amount of any bonuses he receives and vice-versa. If I ask him about his balances, he will tell me and vice-versa, but it’s not something I have visibility to on demand.
I know he’s saving money above and beyond our joint savings that I have visibility to. However, I don’t know exactly what is in his personal savings account, or retirement accounts, or investment accounts.
We each have the freedom to make our own financial choices, sometimes when the other may not fully agree. For example, purchasing a specific stock or investment, liquidating a specific stock or investment or spending money on a hobby or entertainment item.
Regular check-ins to stay on the same page
Regularly we check in on our finances with each other. We don’t have a specific time, but at least once per year. Sometimes the catalyst for such a conversation will be a life event: a change in earnings from a new job, unemployment, a large purchase we want to make, or the birth of a child.
We regularly review how we are trending toward our goal of paying off our mortgage early. We’ll share how much we have in our personal savings, retirement, and investment accounts, etc. so we can make larger joint decisions together.
Examples of money decisions we make together:
- Should we move some money from our joint savings account to an investment account that would give a higher return?
- Should we be putting more in our daughter’s college fund?
- Can we put more money toward the mortgage to aid in paying it off faster?
- Is there a vacation we want to take that we should start budgeting for now?
- Are we serious about buying that boat or gutting our master bathroom? If yes, how are we going to pay for it?
Regularly checking in our finances helps to align our finances as a couple, even if we keep them in separate accounts.
Separate finances pros
- The feeling of financial independence. You get to decide where and how to spend or invest your own money.
- Less arguing or heated conversations regarding who spent what on what.
- Ease of budgeting when you know your income, and know your exact financial responsibilities each month.
Separate finances cons
- Less visibility into the day-to-day finances. If you’re a number cruncher or always like to have a pulse on exactly how much is in savings, calculating your net worth, exactly how much is left on the mortgage, or how your significant other is tracking toward their student debt, this may be invisible.
- You may not account for every single expense that arises, so when something unexpected comes up, you may each think it’s the others’ responsibility.
- If you are not the breadwinner, you may have feelings of envy of the extra money your significant other has, even if bills have been calculated relative to income.
- If your partner is a spender, they may spend on things you don’t agree with or nickel and dime their money away each paycheck so they don’t have money to pay a portion of the agreed upon monthly bills.
Is managing money separately as a couple for you?
There are some things you should consider with your partner if you are thinking of going the independent finances route:
- Is your significant other responsible enough for this arrangement? Maybe you’re not good with money or they aren’t good with money.
- How are you going to divvy up the regular, recurring bills?
- Whose responsibility is it for non-recurring or unexpected household bills?
- Whip out your current budget if you have one, or create one. (If you don’t, I recommend a zero-based budget). Identify whose responsibility it will be for every line item in that budget. Being very deliberate and transparent up front will negate heated conversations down the road. Include everything: gifts, holidays, pet food, vet visits, diapers, eating out, groceries, misc. household expenses, takeout, annual lawn maintenance, snow removal, garbage removal, donations, kid’s expenses for school or activities, etc. The list goes on…
- How will you manage savings, retirement or other investments?
- Define how often you will check in with each other regarding the finances, and get household meetings on the calendar.
Conclusion
Separate finances just happened for us. My husband and I had maintained separate finances when we first got together and it became the norm as we got married. I’m used to it; we have our rhythm.
While sometimes there are heated conversations about money, they are few and far between.
I feel in control of my money which gives me a feeling of independence. But I also feel like his money and my money is “our” money regardless of whose bank account it’s in or whose name it’s under. We still make large financial decisions together and align on future goals for our money. So it’s a system that has simply worked for us.
Do you prefer joint or separate finances? What do you think of separate finances?
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Interesting post! My wife and i keep our finances separate too, but one thing we do is to be transparent about our overall financial health. No secrets. It works well for us so far 🙂
If you only make 38% of the household income adding another child to the mix might call for some changes on who pays for what. Daycare and ALL the things you cover with 1 child will double. But likely your dh’s expenses for the child will not change. Just something to think about and be careful with. I have seen this set up before and as more kids came, and as the children grew and the needs and expenses increased the person covering all of those things was going into debt to continue to cover them, while the other person never felt a financial hit at all from having children.
You inspired me with your article. My husband and I are all completely free, we only pay together for a mortgage. We got married two years ago, it was spontaneous and after that we just worked, slowly set up a new house and lived for our pleasure. But now we are expecting a child and have begun to think about the future and the disposition of finances. Since we already have a separate budget and it suits us, we will need to discuss your method of managing finances, I think this method will suit us.
Thanks Stephanie!
Wow, thanks for sharing this Stephanie. I must say, I was surprised that there were so many comments from people who also keep separate finances while married.
I do not want to be the pebble in your shoe but I see separate finances in a marriage kind of as if your money isn’t married, only dating, even though you are. And as some have stated above, if you are doing most of the child/home management and caring, then that portion of your contribution is not counted as such, even it is probably on of the reasons for your lower income (as compared to your husband’s).
Also, as someone also pointed out, adding more children to the mix will highly increase your expenses, which will leave you with even less money to pay bills, save and spend. I have to tell you that if I couldn’t commit my money 100% to our marriage, I wouldn’t want to commit my life to my marriage 100%.
My husband and I keep joint finances, and it’s always worked for us. We don’t argue about money either. But we communicate, and consult with each other, just like with raising our children.
I do not want to sound overly critical, and if I did, I apologize. And kudos to you for sticking to this system and being happy with it.
While I think it’s great that when you do separate accounts with you paying a percentage based on income for household bills, your husband handling “house expenses” so you’re responsible for paying all of childcare and other related children’s expenses does not seem like a longterm solution financially for you, especially with another child coming. Childcare in my neck of the woods for an AFFORDABLE place for full time, five days a week, is at least $250 a week (and that’s on the low end) for a todler (much more for infants). So if you’re spending $1,000-$1,250+ a month on child care for one kid alone, plus additional for clothing/diapers/formula/toys/activities/etc., that’s a HUGE chunk of change out of your paycheck, especially considering the fact that your husband seems to make twice as much money as you.
Whenever it’s a woman who makes less money than their husband, especially significantly so, so that the mom can be there for their kids because “the husband needs to focus on his career”, it makes me pause. As a married mother myself, I’m a strong believer in splitting childcare and other children related costs for this very reason because often it is the mom who sacrifices her career in some form or fashion to benefit the husband’s career so the kids can be taken care of. Note, I know that some mom’s LOVE this and would do anything for their kids and I applaud them! But if you’re a working mom whose household is dependent on your income, it’s not always fair/wise to be the only one sacrificing career for kids. A friend of mine is in this very position where she is fully qualified to have a job making at least twice her salary now, but because her husband is the “breadwinner” and can’t take care of doctor appointments, she has to take the terribly paying job with flexibility to be there for the kids (whom she loves dearly). But what makes it even worse is she’s in charge of paying for childcare, so her paycheck is practically nothing after all is said and done. Yes, her husband takes care of all the bills, but it’s not a healthy way to live financially, especially in a marriage partnership. When my friend brings it up in our group text every once in a while, another mutual friend and I politely try to encourage her to bring up this discussion with her husband, but know that for some people, it takes time to make changes.
Now if you yourself are making over $100,000 or more per year, than maybe the child care isn’t as big as an issue so I could see the point being moot since the childcare costs are a much lower percentage out of your paycheck that way!
I completely get the separate finances that work for you both, but as parents of a young child, it also makes things a little different than two DINKS keeping things separate for life. If any of what I say does make sense to you, and this is totally unsolicited advice, lol, but my suggestion would be to establish a joint checking account where you tranfer all money into for bill paying (child care included), and continue your percentage of payments for bills based on income (now including childcare). Then, to counteract your husbands’ “duty” of paying for random home expenses, I would suggest starting a joint high-interest savings account (or more than one), for certain goals like vacations, home repairs (needs, like a waterheater dying), home improvements (wants like painting a bedroom), etc. which you could then continue to contribute to each month based on that same income percentage. Then, you’d still have our own checking accounts for fun money so you can continue to surprise each other and/or not judge one-another’s spending. Plus, having a joint checking account for bill paying also makes sure there’s another person around to ensure bills get paid. 🙂
As others have noted, make sure you don’t just have access to eachother’s banks in case of death, but make sure you have some sort of way to do so for other bills like mortgage, utilities, etc. Sometimes that stuff can be a pain if you don’t have any of the login information.
I thought about this too…if she’s making less than $5000 a month a lot of her money is going to childcare and child costs she doesn’t have much leftover.
How do you deal with entertainment, grocery, and eating out expenses? Do you split that in a similar fashion?
Hi Michelle, It seems my wife and I are doing something very similar to yourselves. We have our own separate bank accounts with which we do our day to day purchasing or saving etc. We then have a joint account and have a Standing order set up so that the exact amount we need comes out of our individual accounts and gets transferred to the joint account once a month to cover the mortgage and bills etc. Other than that are finances are separate. Thanks for the post.
Hey Lee – This is a guest post as stated in the first paragraph 🙂
It never really occurred to me to have my and my wife’s finances separate. I’ll have my wife to read this blog post. Some interesting takeaways.
To each their own, but my wife and I have always had shared accounts mainly for two reasons; shared goals and convenience. I make about twice of what my wife makes, but everything is paid from a common account. Our marriage shares our financial assets and obligations, not divides on who makes more money. Call me old school, but I believe a marriage is a unified front, not percentages of a whole.
I agree. Besides, separating finances defeats the purpose of marriage in the money arena: to benefit from your partner’s strengths and help them with their weaknesses. I am a sucker for certain purchases I later regret. Knowing I’m spending both mine and his money makes me more responsible, just like I’m more a cautious driver when I have passengers. Separating finances gives your the false notion that you don’t have passengers in your money wagon, but you sure do.
Hello, Separate finances just happened for us. My husband and I had maintained separate finances when we first got together and it became the norm as we got married. I’m used to it; we have our rhythm.
Wow, I am glad that it works for you. I was intrigued to read your story. But it really seems so complicated to me. I love it when my husband and I sit down and have great shared conversations about how we will invest our money.. should we buy a property? Should we buy shares? Where should we invest? How much in each fund/country? When we make money by investing together it is like a little happy moment between us. There is a lovely excitement in our marriage in growing our nest egg together as a couple. We got together when we were 21 and had no money. So I guess that makes a big difference. Anyway, no criticism – I am glad it works for you but I couldn’t imagine our lives after 25 years of marriage with separate money.
Honestly, I think that it is the other way around: you have to trust your partner’s responsibility to have joint finances, and separate finances are better suited for partners who are bad with money, as some sort of damage control… Another use for separate finances is when you earn more than your partner and don’t have the will to completely share that with them. Usually we women with small children end up screwed under this scheme, because we lose earning power while caring for small children. I know a couple who had joint finances when both earned the same, but after 15 years of marriage, the husband separated their financed as soon as he started making more. We have joint finances and we never ever fight over money. We learn and benefit from each other’s strengths and that has resulted in an increasing net worth. We are not as free to spend in stupid shit, that’s the secret. If we ever separate, half and half. There, much simpler and fair than assigning who is paying for every item in the budget and on what percentage. If you ask me, your husband has it good… Too good