It seems like many people think that talking about money is more taboo than talking about sex or politics.
Recently, I was on Facebook and someone I know asked their friends how much money they were saving each month. It seemed like a pretty harmless question.
They explained that they were asking for real numbers because they just began saving and simply wanted to talk with others about saving money.
Then, someone commented with something like, “Sharing actual numbers is disgusting. Use percentages, if you must.”
The conversation continued, others chimed in, and it became clear that openly talking about money made some people pretty angry. There was an overwhelming amount of people who said the whole conversation was tacky and that money should not be discussed, EVER.
Why does talking about money have to be so secretive? Is it really that tacky?
Having a financial blog means I get some interesting emails about this sort of thing, some from people who think it’s crazy that I publish income reports and talk about money so openly. So, I’m very aware of the stigma that comes with talking about money.
In fact, according to a survey conducted by Ally Bank, 70% of Americans think that it’s rude to talk about money. Respondents said they were more likely to disclose their income (39%) over savings (30%) or debt (29%) to family and friends.
And, it doesn’t end there. People don’t like to talk about how much they pay in rent, their monthly mortgage payment, or even how much they spend on internet service.
Why does your internet bill have to be secretive?
Talking about money is even seen as taboo among close family members, even among married couples. According to a survey done by Fidelity, 43% of respondents don’t know how much their partner earns, and 36% are unaware of the amount they have invested.
Here’s one last interesting study that I’d like to bring up, University College London found that people were seven times more likely to talk to a stranger about sex, affairs, and sexually transmitted diseases than discussing their salary.
You’d tell a stranger that you have an STD rather than tell them how much you make?
This is just crazy!
I think we should all be more open about money. Money is a topic that influences all of our lives, whether we want to believe it or not.
Related:
- 15 Reasons You’re Broke And Can’t Save Money
- 30+ Ways To Save Money Each Month
- 8 Things To Sell To Make Money
- How To Ditch The Revolving Debt Cycle
Here is why more people should start talking about money.
Talking about money can help you.
If you are someone that feels money talk is taboo, then it may be difficult to understand how openly talking about money can really help you out. If you aren’t talking about money, you may not know:
- How much of a raise to ask for.
- How to negotiate for the best salary.
- The average selling price for houses.
- What you should be paying in rent.
- Whether or not your expenses (utilities, phone, insurance, etc.) are normal or unusually high.
And, more than anything, without talking about money, it would be hard to realize that you need to improve your financial situation.
Many people don’t like talking about money because it becomes “too real.” They may even feel shame about their financial mistakes, or they may feel that they aren’t doing as well as others.
Well, you’re never going to do any better if you aren’t aware of your financial situation.
Being in the dark isn’t going to help anyone. It might actually hold you back because you’re just taking a random guess at everything.
However, if you know things like the average salary for a person in your position, you’ll be able to use that information to your benefit. It can help you negotiate a raise and start earning more.
Also, by knowing how much a person is paying for rent or even car insurance, you’ll know if you are paying too much. This can help you make changes that will allow you to start saving more money.
The list goes on and on.
Knowledge is power, and knowing more about money will help you!
Knowing your family’s finances is important.
If you take anything out of this article, it should be that fully understanding your family’s financial situation is a must.
There are many financial horror stories where one spouse doesn’t realize the other has hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt. Or, one spouse thinks the family is financially sound, when in reality, the truth is the exact opposite.
I’ve heard so many people say that they have no idea what their monthly mortgage or rent payment is, they don’t know how much they are putting towards retirement, and so on.
Even more shocking, some are completely unaware of how much debt they have and can’t even estimate how much they owe. Or, if they do make a guess, their spouse blurts out how wrong they are.
Sadly, this is surprisingly common.
A family who has regular money talks and budget meetings is more likely to be financially successful and happier than a family that doesn’t.
There are many ways for these talks to help you and your family.
- You can work together and succeed. If you are both putting effort towards your financial goals, you can tackle them as a team and are much more likely to have a positive outcome.
- A lack of money communication can lead to financial infidelity. According to an article on Forbes, 20% of those in the U.S. keep financial secrets, and 7% of people between the ages of 18-49 have a secret bank account or a secret credit card they keep from their partner.
- Knowing your financial situation will help you keep a budget. Understanding your financial situation means you can create and keep a budget that works for you. You will know more about the amount of money you are spending, whether you are living paycheck to paycheck, and more.
- Being aware may prevent everything from falling on one person. Everyone should be aware of their financial situation. It’s not fair for one person to manage it all, and you would be in for a rude awakening if something were to happen to that person.
- Being involved can help you with your family’s goals. It would be quite difficult for a person to work towards their family’s financial goals if they weren’t aware of their financial situation. Being involved can help keep you motivated and know what’s going on.
- Regular money talks can lead to less fighting. When you are open about money in your relationship, you are less likely to have financial surprises and money fights. This is because conducting regular money talks and budget meetings means you will both be aware of what’s going on.
Recommended reading: Family Budget Meetings – Yes, You Need To Have Them
Talking about money doesn’t have to be awkward.
You shouldn’t be afraid to have money talks with friends and family. It doesn’t have to be awkward, and you can talk about money in a way that helps everyone.
Here are a few suggestions for talking about money with your family and friends:
- Talk about your financial goals and why you want to reach them.
- Share how much debt you have and how you’re trying to change it.
- If you know a great way to save money, share it with others.
- Brainstorm ideas for making more money.
There are many ways you can start talking about money with others in your life, and it can really help out everyone involved.
How does talking about money make you feel? Is talking about money taboo? Should it be?
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You know I agree with you. It’s a harmless question to ask how much a person is saving. I think that if people wouldn’t be so uptight (and really terrified about what others might think about them) about talking about their personal financial situation, there would be more questions asked from those who really don’t know how to get out of their situation instead of mentally suffocating and essentially drowning in their debt or at the very minimum not saving for their financial future.
I struggled with that too for years until I just couldn’t take it anymore. I had to start a blog and talk about it (and fingers crossed help me pay it off). Feeling like I couldn’t tell anyone so I just stuffed it down and just “tried to keep up with the Jones’”. That to me is more “disgusting” and really hurting yourself in your personal development.
I agree!
I guess that people do not like to talk about money openly because it is awkward to discuss their salary, net worth, savings to others who have less/more. It can feel like it creates a competition.
I myself would not discuss details on how much I make and have as well but I am open to discuss money in general like ways to invest, how to get out of debt like student loans, etc..to help others improve their financial situation. They do not have to tell their specifics on their earnings and other income but getting their money situated in the right direction is something I am more than happy to talk about
This is great! Talking about money in these ways is so important.
Great point and so true! I think people don’t talk about money because it makes them feel vulnerable and they don’t want to be judged.
Thanks!
So true. I feel like unless something is super cheap it’s taboo to say how much. I just posted about how much we spent on a vacation and how much we spent on groceries and felt weird about it, but I think it’s helpful to others to know how much things cost, plus I’m also obsessed with how much things cost. Also, I too feel very uncomfortable about people knowing my income. Money and income is one way that assessments are made about people and I don’t want to be judged one way or another for it.
Thanks!
I think it’s because money is considered to be quite a personal thing which affects people individually and can’t always be controlled, whereas sex is something that you can laugh about in public, albeit nervously!
In fact, in Germany where I live, talking about salaries to another person etc is illegal, and people have been fired because of it, as it’s considered to be a violation of the Personal Information Act!
Hi Victoria,
I just moved to Germany this year and was really surprised by this too! My husband’s HR rep was on vacation for a few weeks, and no one else was able to answer a question about his paycheck because it was top secret. He had to wait for her to get back to the office and address it personally.
And at the same time, every new person we meets asks how old we are and why we don’t have kids, which feel way more personal to me than money 🙂
Wow, this is interesting!
To me the most worrisome part of this is the secret account stuff. Maybe I’m a cynic, but I bet it’s not secret so they can dazzle you with surprise gifts.My husband and I have joint everything. However the only downside to that is that it’s harder for us to share the budgeting, bill paying etc. I’m not sure how people manage that?
Yes, the secret account stuff is scary!
Some people allegedly see the topic of money more taboo than xXx because they may not have much of it. Money is everything to some folk. If you personally ask me, I think it’s good to have. But a person can’t take it into eternity with them. People often judge a person measured by their net worth. Even if that person foolishly accumulated riches, people would still associate with that person regardless. If a middle class or poor man accumulates his or her money honestly and doesn’t flash what they have, then people are likely not going to want to be bothered with them b/c they’re not appealing to them.
Thanks for sharing!
I think a lot of the secrecy is also because we’re a little embarrassed by our bad money habits. We may not want to broadcast to the world that we haven’t been attacking debt like we should or saving as much for retirement as we should. Even the best of us have some iffy money habits. I’d be embarrassed if the world knew my annual book budget or my husband’s annual video game budget 🙂
But keeping this info from your spouse is scary. I was shocked by your stat that 43% of respondents don’t know how much their partner earns. How can you plan your future together without that most basic bit of info?!
Yeah, it’s scary that people don’t know their spouse’s income!
As a child, money was a taboo. I wasn’t allowed to know how much things costs or how much the family received. Now as an adult, I try to be more transparent with my kids. I taught them to value money and save, and to save for a big purchase. I have one child who likes to spend and one who likes to save… hopefully I’m doing something right!
Sounds like you are 🙂
It’s crazy I know. It reminds me of the movie ratings system – a film is rated R if it shows much sex, but if you blow a few heads off it’s all good!
Same with the comparison you make here. We need to take finance and money out of the closet and get smart. We need to teach our children how to handle money and we need to start now.
I WISH there had been a high school course on good money management. I could have used that more than knowing how to make a bong out of an apple.
Same here.
People hate feeling like they’re behind and often perceive others believe they’re better than they are. So, talking about money, politics, and religion are topics where people see the person talking as being on their soapbox. If their numbers, take on the issues, or belief or nonbelief in God are challenged, they feel threatened. So, as is often the case when we feel threatened, we lash out. Rather than deal with our own issues on the matter, we blame the person discussing it.
Money is a game won or lost between the ears. Too many people don’t take it seriously enough and rather hide it under a rug. The staggering amounts of student loan debt and credit card debt are testaments to the fact that money is not a normal conversation to be had at the dinner table or the local Starbucks. Sad, but true.
Interesting point!
I have no no discomfort talking about money, and have no money hangups about the rich, etc. A few months ago I shared on Facebook that I as a woman had never been underpaid, and that I did not believe the 70% statistic was due to discrimination (which of course is a different topic). I had a few irate friends attack me and asked how did I know that I wasn’t underpaid, that I couldn’t know what others are paid because you cannot ask. I replied to them that I do ask, and that how do they know they are underpaid if they don’t ask? Make sense to me. They are just believing the government statistic. I think the government (or perhaps the employers) culturally have conditioned us not to talk about money because they don’t want the employees to challenge them. As your article says, I think this information is very important.
Thanks Phyllis!
Thanks for this post, Michelle. I have had this conversation with many of my friends, and one time, at happy hour, my two teacher friends shared their salaries and were shocked one was paid $10k more for the same job. It’s super important that we discuss income, rent, etc, so that we can be sure we’re getting paid fairly, and paying the right amount for things. I’m a HUGE advocate of sharing financial information, which I know makes me in the minority. Super important post!
Yes, it is so important. Thanks!
I talk about money with my boyfriend and closest friend. With them, these are thankfully easy conversations. Within my family any topic relating to money has always been and will always be taboo. That is very unfortunate as I truly believe that speaking about any topics, even money, can turn into support, advice, and learning opportunities.
I sometimes wonder if this taboo goes beyond generational differences. Maybe it is more related to people not wanting to feel inferior to others. Others who might make more money then them, budget diligently, have minimal or no debt, etc. No one wants to feel bad about the financial situation they are in. So instead of facing it and learning from others, people rather “pull the curtains shut”.
It does seem like it may be generational differences – good point.
We used to talk about money more freely with one of our friends until he asked to borrow $9,000. Ugh! Sharing financial information can be a double-edged sword.
Ugh!