Hello everyone! I have another Reader Question to share. I know I just did one last week, but this reader needs help now and I knew it couldn’t wait until I do another Reader Question post. I’ll let her take it away now…
Please Help Me,
My boyfriend lives with me, I pay all rent and utilities. He thinks I am crazy to want him to pay half rent & utilities.
How do I tell him couples splitting these expenses are normal?
I am tired of having a zero or negative balance in my bank accounts while he has money?! I am thinking about ending our relationship if he refuses again. We can’t buy furniture, or needed clothes, food or move forward in this relationship if he won’t help or meet me half way. He makes more than me, and there is no reason he should live with me when I can get a roommate that will pay half those expenses with me. I love him but, I can’t keep living this way.
HE said that it’s unheard of [couples splitting bills] and that I need to stop listening to my friends and family’s advice. I told him that my last boyfriend and I for 5 years split rent and utilities. I know that he told me that everything is balanced in this relationship, but I know this is not right. He has addictions that he wants to spend his money on, maybe he’s afraid he won’t be able to afford his addictions.
He and I can’t move his young son into our home at all and can’t move forward healthily if he can’t help me. I have told him that we would each have a savings account seperately building up money. Only if he helps me can we be successful together. I am older than he is and he’s learning, but his inexperience is wearing on my patience. I have a counselor lined up, and books and we can talk to rental agencies if he still doesn’t believe me.
This is my last attempt to save our relationship. He gets angry when I bring this up.
I had resigned from a great job, saved $10,000 on my own from that job and moved to another state to begin a new life with him. We have been in a relationship together for 3 years. I have discovered that he is immature. I have sold my personal belongings when he wanted money and, I have depleted all my saved money due to his influence. He says that I am all about money but I feel like a nun, I have given away all my money to him and I don’t have much in material possessions. I just was hoping he’d see reason… But, I keep waiting that he’ll understand. How can I make one last effort to talk to him, explain things in a non-threatening way?
I find it strange that he refuses to help out at all. He said that that’s not the way reality works. I am in disbelief. I have a possible job being offered soon. I have to move forward with this opportunity it will change things for the better financially. I want to progress with him.
What would you do if you were this person?
Let us know in the comments below. All help is appreciated! Also, please be kind. Keep in mind that this is a person who is seeking help.
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Wow that is tough. Financial accountability seems to be missing at an early stage in this relationship so it is hard to see that getting better on its own. If the guy is already dismissive of friends and family and getting angry, that seems to be another red flag. I am sure there is a great guy buried under that selfishness, but at some point it needs to be equitable or the woman needs to leave that terrible situation.
Ask yourself: what would you say if you were to read this letter and imagine it was by someone else. What would you tell them?
I honestly don’t understand how you got into this situation with him in the first place, but it doesn’t really matter now. It is twisted and you need to get out, asap. Good luck.
It’s time for him to hit the road. You need to stop enabling him and cut your losses. Next thing, you are going to have to start paying for his kid too. He has used you enough and l think you know what to do already and are just looking for validation. You got it, kick him to the curb. You deserve better.
Call up a dear friend, say that you are going to need her shoulder/support because you are finally breaking up with the boyfriend.
He is manipulating you, making you feel guilty (WTH?!) for wanting him to be responsible and pay his fair share. He. Is.Manipulating.You. Dump him, kick him out. Don’t listen to his “reasoning”, pleading, guilt-tripping. You deserve better.
It’s simply, cut ties.
I know you sacrificed a lot to be with him and you invested 3 years of your life, but if you’re having problems now and it’s not going to change because he gets angry. I think it’s time to move on.
Don’t walk. Run.
I lived with a guy like that for 2 years. I broke up with him but he’s still the most selfish person I know. Being cheap isn’t just about money. It’s about sex, housework, support. It’s all about only getting what they want and it was ingrained in them long before you got together. Run away. If you can’t get yourself to do that lay down the law and say if he doesn’t do his share and pay for his share. His future behavior will tell you immediately if he puts himself first or you first. You don’t deserve a guy who won’t put in effort to be with you.
If they guy is living with you and not paying anything, you need to kick him out! If he’s using your utilities and sleeping over, he needs to pay up or move out.
What a freeloading jerk. Tell it to him straight. If that doesn’t work, kick him out.
I’m in the same situation. I’ve been with this man whom I’ve loved for two years now and he does not pay half of the bills. He does however pay when we go out. He makes a lot more than me so when I get my check, pay the bills, I’m broke so he buys me cigarette and had till I get paid again. But he still always has money. Then he throws it in my face. Ugh! Not to mention after 2 years as boyfriend and girlfriend we don’t even have sex
Im in a similar situation. My bf and work together and yet i pay for everything. Gas, rent, food, laundry, his clothes and his phone, that i bought for him. He sends all his money to guatemala and when my money is gone and i have nothing to eat, he tricks me into taking him to buy food. He knows that i am a vegetarian so he will buy only meat and when i ask for him to invite me he simply says “no. I dont want to.” Then he treats me not so good. Downright awful. He is always staring at other women and telling me that i am too ugly for anything better then him. That i am too old and gross for anyone to want. I feel like committing suicide because i know its true what he says. Please do yourself a favor and get out of the relationship before it damages you for life. Please. Do it for yourself and for your future…. before you end up like me.. broken and hurt beyond any repair
Hello I am so sorry you feel this way. We need to get in touch. I am going through similar situations and would like a friend to talk with.
I was in the same situation. Get rid of him. You love the person you think he is. The person he really is is the guy who’s using you. The rest is a patient act.
When he says he never heard of splitting the rent…he’s lying. Guys like that also beat women. Get rid of him. It will only get worse.
Leave immediately. You sound like an intelligent person. Use you brains not your heart. Get this parasite out of you life and,do it sooner than later. You’ll only have yourself to blame if you continue tovremsin in such an exploitive relationship.
Best of luck
Annette
I sure hope you have gain some self respect and got away from this leach.